{"id":1532,"date":"2017-10-31T13:43:44","date_gmt":"2017-10-31T17:43:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/?p=1532"},"modified":"2019-08-13T22:44:11","modified_gmt":"2019-08-14T02:44:11","slug":"the-halloween-phoenix-returns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/the-halloween-phoenix-returns\/","title":{"rendered":"The Halloween Phoenix Returns"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"imageRoughly two years ago, I mused about being a phoenix<\/a>. To quote that post, “Like the mythic phoenix, (remember Fawkes in the Harry Potter books) I have burst into flames, reduced to a pile of ashes.” And, like Fawkes, it was about time for me to do it again<\/i>. I suppose it’s partly the impending NaNoWriMo<\/a> that is encouraging me to revisit this blog.<\/p>\n

Where the Hell did I Go?!<\/b><\/p>\n

I’ve been stuck. Lost. Down a rabbit hole. Hiding under blankets. Eating my feelings. All of the above.<\/p>\n

Being truthful about mental illness is difficult, especially when I was deep in the dark places. In the fall of 2016, I hit my emotional rock bottom<\/i>. I withdrew from society, experienced cycles of insomnia and over-sleeping, and ate dump-truck-loads of my feelings. After weeks of crying every day, I took everyone’s advice and visited my doctor who prescribed anti-depressants.<\/p>\n

It took weeks to get the dose right, but eventually I found relief. I began to emerge into the world, and perform tasks I’d been too distraught to face. At that point, I could not write<\/i>, partly because I wasn’t strong enough to face the “truths” that are authorial requirements, and partly because the anti-depressants affected my concentration and short-term memory.<\/p>\n

In March, I found the strength to make some tough changes to get my life back on track. I dabbled in a group-therapy endeavor, and I started to count my calories. I scoured YouTube, Stitcher, and experimented with various meditation apps, in search of the most useful guided meditations to help me with my journey.<\/p>\n

Since March, I’ve lost roughly thirty pounds. I can’t thank my son enough for buying me a Fitbit for my birthday, which not only helped with the weight-loss journey, but has also encouraged me to get walking. I love my Fitbit, because it’s the first weight-loss\/health-improvement app\/device that uses encouragement<\/i> rather than bullying<\/i>. This weight-loss has helped me to feel better, physically and emotionally, and has helped my knee to get significantly better. I still drive around with my cane in my car, but I rarely use it.<\/p>\n

That’s right. You read that correctly. I RARELY USE MY CANE!<\/b><\/p>\n

What a journey! Remember, in that last blog post, I wrote, “I’ve come to the emotional conclusion that I will never be ‘better’ in the true sense of the word. The cane will be a permanent accessory.”<\/p>\n

Now I can do things for myself again, including mowing my own lawn, shoveling my own driveway, and cleaning my own house. I even bought a snow-blower, something I’ve been afraid of for years.<\/p>\n

Two years ago, I also began the process of updating my will. That endeavor ground to a halt when I learned that without a divorce<\/i>, my will would not be as binding as I wanted. So I abandoned the will upgrade, and focused on moving ahead with the divorce, again!<\/i><\/p>\n

Taking charge of this huge aspect of my “old life”, combined with the aforementioned changes, helped me to journey to a new, happy, content, calm place. So much so, that I’ve begun the process of reducing (and possibly quitting) my anti-depressants. Suddenly, I have feelings again. And, most importantly, I NEED TO WRITE AGAIN<\/b>.<\/p>\n

The icing on the cake … drumroll … I’m divorced! <\/i><\/b> This status became official on October 20, 2017. Time to plan a party.<\/p>\n

But first, enough blogging. I need to sketch an outline for my NaNoWriMo<\/a> novel. I know, I left it until the last minute.<\/p>\n

Expect posts about my progress throughout November.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Roughly two years ago, I mused about being a phoenix. To quote that post, “Like the mythic phoenix, (remember Fawkes in the Harry Potter books) I have burst into flames, reduced to a pile of ashes.” And, like Fawkes, it was about time for me to do it again. I suppose it’s partly the impending NaNoWriMo that is encouraging me to revisit this blog. Where the Hell did I Go?! I’ve been stuck. Lost. Down a rabbit hole. Hiding under\u2026<\/p>\n

Continue reading<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[92],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1532"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1700,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1532\/revisions\/1700"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1532"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1532"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/suzannechurch.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}